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| Domestic or Relationship Violence |
| SAFE Faith Place Community -Domestic Violence Education, Information, and Referral program. One of the best brochures you will ever see. |
| Paternity |
| Family |
Washington Shared Parenting brochure, excellent resource Shared Parenting, a Guide for Parents Living Apart Parent's Turn An effective, private, co-parenting program Kid's Turn A program to help children when parents divorce or have a custody dispute |
| Parenting |
| Domestic Violence Fact Sheet. This is absolutely the best website on the net for family violence factual information. |
| PLEASE visit RADAR's website and donate to Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting. The work they do is critical for all of us! |
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| Multi-issue Oriented |
| View our public calendar for information about monthly meetings, special guests, and special events. |
| When men talk dirty to women it's sexual harassment. When women talk dirty to men it's $2.95 a minute! Anonymous cynic Albert S. |
Excerpts from November 20, 2006 Larry
King interview with Alec Baldwin on CNN.
Click on the last sentence for full transcript:
BALDWIN: I wanted to die, yeah. I went to bed for
-- I mean, I'm writing this book because I went to
bed for about a year, maybe less, maybe more,
probably a year. When I was about a year-and-a-half
into the proceedings and I saw the turn they were
taking and I saw that no matter what I did, and
when I saw that no matter what goodwill I showed,
when I saw that no matter how much conciliation I
brought to the table and how much I had hoped for
on the other side, when I saw that on the other side
the attorneys were calling all the shots and they were
just going to run this thing right into the ground.
They didn't care. Mediating and coming to any
kinds of agreements that was just not on their radar
at all.
But when I thought that everything was really --
when I thought that -- I thought I was a good person
and when I thought that everything I could bring to
bear on the event wasn't going to make any
difference, I thought, I don't want to live anymore,
because it was all about -- and this is last thing I'll
say about this, it was all about when you have a
child involved, I mean, as a man, most men that I
know that are good men, that are decent men, you're
going to chew your way through a concrete wall to
access your child. You want to be with a child.
BALDWIN: Well no, I mean, everything I had to
do -- get, I had to fight for. No one ever turned to
me and said "let's work this out." The answer to
every request was, "No. No. No. No. No." So, it
was just a fight for everything. That was exhausting.
BALDWIN: I think it was probably tough. I think
it was tough to have two well-known parents and
you go to school and maybe somebody's elbowing
somebody in their ribs and saying, you know,
"There's so and so whose parents are doing this" or
she sees it on TV or she reads about it. I'm deeply,
deeply saddened that she had to go through it. But
again, I had to ask myself, what's the alternative?
You know, the fight became the fight and it became
a public fight because I wouldn't give up and I'm
glad I didn't give up.
BALDWIN: Well, I think I'm like a lot of men I
know. I'm kind of a slave to my daughter whenever
my daughter's around.
KING: Tell me about it.
BALDWIN: When my daughter's around I'm just...
KING:. She owns you?
BALDWIN: Yes. I mean, I just do whatever she
tells me to do. The deal I have with her, we'll go to
the store -- I mean, I joke with her, I say we'll go to
the store. She'll want to go buy things. And she's
not greedy. She's not gluttonous in any way, she's a
very reasonable kid, she's a great person. But we'll
go to the story and I'll say to her, you can have
whatever you can carry out of here. If you can carry it
out of here, you can have it. The clothes, all the
clothes you can carry out.
KING: Do you think that's a by-product of being a
divorced father, an absentee father?
BALDWIN: Potentially yes. But I've tried to steer
away from that where the things we do are not all --
what they call the Disney dad syndrome, where
everything is about fun and games and activities and
things that are, you know, not the quotidian chores
of the day. I mean, I want to do her homework with
her and I want to do -- I want real life with her.
KING: Would you agree, someone said that divorce
is worse than death because you lose someone but
you don't have closure? It never has closure.
BALDWIN: Oh, I think -- for everybody that I
know that's normal and healthy, when they get
married, they go into it hopeful. You don't go into
it predicting it's going to fail. You don't go into it
wanting it to end. I mean, I'm very keen in the book
-- we have a huge component of the book dedicated
to prenuptial agreements. And we advise people to
get prenuptial agreements, not in terms of
segregating assets and about financial issues, but
prenuptial agreements whereby you have a
pre-executed document that will discuss how your
marriage will dissolve if it does dissolve, while you
still have a shred of respect for each other. That's the
best time to negotiate a document like that rather
than later on.
I mean, what happens in divorce, the terrible thing
about divorce, among other things is, that, A, you
wind up having to -- the best thing for you to do is
to negotiated and mediate your differences right
when you're the least willing to do that. And the
second thing is that family law, particularly in
California, is a place in which they mete out
criminal punishments in civil court. Men are denied
their rights by judges and by therapeutic caregivers.
Men are denied access to their children, not for valid
reasons at all. It's as arbitrary and it's as corrupt and
ineffectual as can be.
King interview with Alec Baldwin on CNN.
Click on the last sentence for full transcript:
BALDWIN: I wanted to die, yeah. I went to bed for
-- I mean, I'm writing this book because I went to
bed for about a year, maybe less, maybe more,
probably a year. When I was about a year-and-a-half
into the proceedings and I saw the turn they were
taking and I saw that no matter what I did, and
when I saw that no matter what goodwill I showed,
when I saw that no matter how much conciliation I
brought to the table and how much I had hoped for
on the other side, when I saw that on the other side
the attorneys were calling all the shots and they were
just going to run this thing right into the ground.
They didn't care. Mediating and coming to any
kinds of agreements that was just not on their radar
at all.
But when I thought that everything was really --
when I thought that -- I thought I was a good person
and when I thought that everything I could bring to
bear on the event wasn't going to make any
difference, I thought, I don't want to live anymore,
because it was all about -- and this is last thing I'll
say about this, it was all about when you have a
child involved, I mean, as a man, most men that I
know that are good men, that are decent men, you're
going to chew your way through a concrete wall to
access your child. You want to be with a child.
BALDWIN: Well no, I mean, everything I had to
do -- get, I had to fight for. No one ever turned to
me and said "let's work this out." The answer to
every request was, "No. No. No. No. No." So, it
was just a fight for everything. That was exhausting.
BALDWIN: I think it was probably tough. I think
it was tough to have two well-known parents and
you go to school and maybe somebody's elbowing
somebody in their ribs and saying, you know,
"There's so and so whose parents are doing this" or
she sees it on TV or she reads about it. I'm deeply,
deeply saddened that she had to go through it. But
again, I had to ask myself, what's the alternative?
You know, the fight became the fight and it became
a public fight because I wouldn't give up and I'm
glad I didn't give up.
BALDWIN: Well, I think I'm like a lot of men I
know. I'm kind of a slave to my daughter whenever
my daughter's around.
KING: Tell me about it.
BALDWIN: When my daughter's around I'm just...
KING:. She owns you?
BALDWIN: Yes. I mean, I just do whatever she
tells me to do. The deal I have with her, we'll go to
the store -- I mean, I joke with her, I say we'll go to
the store. She'll want to go buy things. And she's
not greedy. She's not gluttonous in any way, she's a
very reasonable kid, she's a great person. But we'll
go to the story and I'll say to her, you can have
whatever you can carry out of here. If you can carry it
out of here, you can have it. The clothes, all the
clothes you can carry out.
KING: Do you think that's a by-product of being a
divorced father, an absentee father?
BALDWIN: Potentially yes. But I've tried to steer
away from that where the things we do are not all --
what they call the Disney dad syndrome, where
everything is about fun and games and activities and
things that are, you know, not the quotidian chores
of the day. I mean, I want to do her homework with
her and I want to do -- I want real life with her.
KING: Would you agree, someone said that divorce
is worse than death because you lose someone but
you don't have closure? It never has closure.
BALDWIN: Oh, I think -- for everybody that I
know that's normal and healthy, when they get
married, they go into it hopeful. You don't go into
it predicting it's going to fail. You don't go into it
wanting it to end. I mean, I'm very keen in the book
-- we have a huge component of the book dedicated
to prenuptial agreements. And we advise people to
get prenuptial agreements, not in terms of
segregating assets and about financial issues, but
prenuptial agreements whereby you have a
pre-executed document that will discuss how your
marriage will dissolve if it does dissolve, while you
still have a shred of respect for each other. That's the
best time to negotiate a document like that rather
than later on.
I mean, what happens in divorce, the terrible thing
about divorce, among other things is, that, A, you
wind up having to -- the best thing for you to do is
to negotiated and mediate your differences right
when you're the least willing to do that. And the
second thing is that family law, particularly in
California, is a place in which they mete out
criminal punishments in civil court. Men are denied
their rights by judges and by therapeutic caregivers.
Men are denied access to their children, not for valid
reasons at all. It's as arbitrary and it's as corrupt and
ineffectual as can be.
Excerpt from November 18, 2006 Larry King
interview with Judith Sheindlin,"JUDGE
JUDY". Before becoming "Judy" Judge
Sheindlin was a Family Court judge for 25
years. Click on sentence above for transcript:
KING: Is child custody the toughest when the
man wants custody, the woman wants
custody?
SHEINDLIN: I think that when you start out
with a custody determination in court you
should start out with a clean slate and that
means that both parents are equally able and
capable of taking care of children unless one
or the other demonstrates the opposite, so
that should be the clear standard that both
people should have equal input, both parents
should have equal input in the lives of their
children.
And, if you start out with that as a criteria and
people know that, then there's not going to
be that jockeying for position, which very
often has a financial implication. All too
often when there are custody battles the best
interest of the children somehow fall by the
wayside.
KING: Yes, I know. Is it generally a rule in a
custody case that the woman has the edge?
SHEINDLIN: Well it should not be. That's not
the law. The law in this -- in every jurisdiction
that I know of is that parents stand on an
equal footing. Unfortunately, many of the
services that serve the matrimonial courts,
psychiatrists, psychologists, bring their own
predisposition in that regard and they still say
that, well, children of tender years belong
with their mother because of this nurturing.
Well the truth of the matter is that's not
always true anymore. Mothers are career
women just as fathers have careers and
businesses and very often now we say to
fathers, "You have to assume half the
responsibility of these kids, you know. You
made them. We're going to take parenting
together. We're going to be in there in the
delivery room together. We're going to take
six months off. I'll take three. You take three.
You're going to change the diapers just like I
do and men buy into that."
All of a sudden when the marriage is over we
say "Just a second, you're a second class
citizen, you don't deserve even our
consideration as being the primary parent."
So that's why I think that if you started out
with the premise that each parent is
supposed to have 50 percent of a child's time
so that a child can enjoy a good relationship
with both parents, we would do away with a
lot of the custody battles.
You can't force feed a parent into wanting to
take on the responsibility. What we're talking
about is discouraging these custody battles. If
you've got a father who doesn't want custody,
terrific, there's no battle.
But if you have two parents that say, listen,
we're equal, then what courts should try to do
is to work out a scenario where each parent
will have the opportunity of spending quality
constructive time with their children.
KING: Some morons get custody.
interview with Judith Sheindlin,"JUDGE
JUDY". Before becoming "Judy" Judge
Sheindlin was a Family Court judge for 25
years. Click on sentence above for transcript:
KING: Is child custody the toughest when the
man wants custody, the woman wants
custody?
SHEINDLIN: I think that when you start out
with a custody determination in court you
should start out with a clean slate and that
means that both parents are equally able and
capable of taking care of children unless one
or the other demonstrates the opposite, so
that should be the clear standard that both
people should have equal input, both parents
should have equal input in the lives of their
children.
And, if you start out with that as a criteria and
people know that, then there's not going to
be that jockeying for position, which very
often has a financial implication. All too
often when there are custody battles the best
interest of the children somehow fall by the
wayside.
KING: Yes, I know. Is it generally a rule in a
custody case that the woman has the edge?
SHEINDLIN: Well it should not be. That's not
the law. The law in this -- in every jurisdiction
that I know of is that parents stand on an
equal footing. Unfortunately, many of the
services that serve the matrimonial courts,
psychiatrists, psychologists, bring their own
predisposition in that regard and they still say
that, well, children of tender years belong
with their mother because of this nurturing.
Well the truth of the matter is that's not
always true anymore. Mothers are career
women just as fathers have careers and
businesses and very often now we say to
fathers, "You have to assume half the
responsibility of these kids, you know. You
made them. We're going to take parenting
together. We're going to be in there in the
delivery room together. We're going to take
six months off. I'll take three. You take three.
You're going to change the diapers just like I
do and men buy into that."
All of a sudden when the marriage is over we
say "Just a second, you're a second class
citizen, you don't deserve even our
consideration as being the primary parent."
So that's why I think that if you started out
with the premise that each parent is
supposed to have 50 percent of a child's time
so that a child can enjoy a good relationship
with both parents, we would do away with a
lot of the custody battles.
You can't force feed a parent into wanting to
take on the responsibility. What we're talking
about is discouraging these custody battles. If
you've got a father who doesn't want custody,
terrific, there's no battle.
But if you have two parents that say, listen,
we're equal, then what courts should try to do
is to work out a scenario where each parent
will have the opportunity of spending quality
constructive time with their children.
KING: Some morons get custody.
| JUDGE JUDY |
| Alec Baldwin |
| NEW! The Truth of Domestic Violence Handout, December 5, 2006 Print some out, carry one in you wallet or whatever, and whip it out when you need the facts fast. |
| YOU CAN HELP The California Men's Center San Diego relies on the benevolence of many. We do not seek or accept government grants. Instead we rely primarily on private donations though when possible we will seek private foundation assistance. |
California Men's Centers San Diego
| 932 C Street, Suite B, San Diego, CA 92101 Telephone: 619-231-1909 |
| "Mens abused by Women Information Sheet" from Canada, Alberta's Children Services. Excellent handout. |
| "Men Abused by Women, It Happens and It Matters", also from Alberta's Children Services. Thirteen pages. Very good and factual introduction to men abused by women. |
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| Child Support Handbook in English: RE: Revised Child Support Handbook – DCSS Pub 160 August 200 revision in customer focused format – making child support information easier to find and understand. This process was a collaborative effort involving LCSA directors and staff, representatives from the courts and child support advocates. Members of California Men's Center organizations were citizen advocates and influenced this revision, particularly Enrique M. to whom goes our very since thank you. Translations will be available in Armenian, Chinese, Hmong, Russian, Spanish, and Vietnamese. |