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discrimination against men

I couldn’t sleep…too many bad dreams…women soldiers battle sexism

November 30th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Steven DeLuca, discrimination against men

    Hi, couldn’t sleep, bad dreams, PTSD, It’s 2010 and I got out of the army in 1969. The bad dreams are less intense, less often, but this one woke me up at 4 AM. I wanted my wife to sleep, I got up, went to another room, wrote this:       

                  Back Home Women Veterans battle sexism?

That was the headline on my Sunday paper 11/28/2010 A more accurate and Politically Incorrect view would be to notice that male and female vets deal with sexism at home and overseas but to notice, really notice, the sexism men live with shows a certain lack of chivalry and we just don’t go there.

“Women have always been the primary victims of war” said Hillary Clinton while at a conference on Domestic Violence in San Salvador.”

If  58,000  women had been killed in Viet Nam and 8 men would Hillary suggest that “men were the primary victims of war?”   She says  women were the primary victims because they lost husbands, fathers, and sons in combat.  Dear Hillary, trust me, my mother could care less that I have a 100% disability from military duty.  Life isn’t as black and white as your feminist lens shows you it is.  Some women grieve, some don’t, but living with a 100 percent disability or losing your life is a bigger price than you can begin to understand because of your protected status as a woman.

Pat Schroeder, D- Colo, served in the House Armed Services Committee from 1973 to 1979.  To emphasize the risk to women she said of Iraq “The whole place is literally a front line.  She wants you to believe that the women face the same risks as men.  If that’s true than why is it that last week, and the weeks before, and this week, and for weeks after we can count on males being killed and are surprised (and dismayed) when a woman is killed.

Mark  Brunswick of the Minneapolis Star Tribune, who wrote “Back home, women veterans battle sexism” just like  P. Shroeder and H. Clinton – and most who read such comments regarding sexism towards women  just shake their heads in despair noticing that one more time women pay a price for sexism that selfish men are spared in our “patriarchal society.”

“721 women have been wounded and 132 killed in action in Iraq and Afghanistan more than in all U.S. conflicts since World War II.”  You can find this message in Brunswick’s article and if you Goggle “Number of women killed in Iraq.” You will find similar articles.  I do know that if you doubled the number of men killed in  Viet Nam it would be 116,000 and tripling the number of women would be 24 but without exact numbers for comparison with men readers would assume females are going all Rambo in Iraq, carrying huge packs and tracking down the enemy. One woman wrote these two lines in an online article.  First the title:  “Why are Women Still Considered Second-Class soldiers” followed by   “More women have died in Iran and Iraq that all the wars since WWII.  She, like Brunswick and Schroeder want you to believe that in civilian life and war that women run similar risks and pay an equal price as men.  Facts don’t matter.  What was left out is that many of those deaths are typical deaths related to what you would find in any population of 250,000 in a year. 

A death from a car wreck is more likely to happen to a female soldier than death from a sniper and most likely Clinton and Shroeder would call those car accidents “war deaths” “on the front lines” if they happen in a war zone.  Feminists like  to inflate their numbers any way they can.  Inflating military deaths to heroic proportions is no different than how they lump in a man shoving his wife and calling it “battery” to inflate Domestic Violence numbers.  The first is to make women look more heroic when they are not, the second, like ignoring a women slapping a man and suggesting “he had it coming” or silence about male pain is based on “chivalry” to make women look more angelic, when many women are not. Compared to male deaths few women are dying in our wars, period.  Deal with it.

Men are 93% more likely to die in American work places than women are and 99.999 percent more likely to die in war,  Men are 4 times more likely to commit suicide as woman and much more likely to end up on the streets or in jail.  Young males, black males especially, are much less likely to graduate from college.  Men are much more likely to die early because of pollutants and stress from decades in dirty and dangerous  work places while supporting children AND women.  Men are  much more likely to be victims of robberies, beatings and homicides.  Men in prison, innocent or guilty are at high risk of rape and few care…   and yet we rarely hear about the price men pay in work or war or civilian life in general because of gender. We are “bombarded” with MSinformation regarding gender and always the assumption is, sexism is a one way street something men do and women pay for.  Male victims rarely count, female victims always do.

Any man who protests sexism towards men or the outrageous indoctrination of our children by such lies and myths in such PC times will be accused of misogyny, hatred of women, by those who can’t even define the word misandry; hatred of men.  We like men to shut up, not whine, not complain, strong and silent equals a good man.  Brunswick is doing what many modern male authors do, kiss feminist ass to get front page coverage in the press.  He gets a paycheck and praise while another generation of children grow up hearing such stories about how the male gender is sexist.

Brunswick wrote about a female soldier: “Sgt. Bieber was part of the combat mission, except officially she wasn’t.  How can a solider simultaneously be part of a combat unit and not part of the unit.”  

Well, it depends on if they are going to intentionally put you in harms way, or not.  We intentionally put males in harms way, we do the best we can to reduce the risk to women, it doesn’t always work out.   I have as much respect for Sgt.  Breena Bieber as any male soldier.  She is leaving the military after seven years, and said “There is nothing I would change about my military career.” Any sexism Bieber faces because of her gender, related to war, pales compared to the number of injuries, and deaths, of men and boys because of their gender.    Some individual men and women face sexism, some don’t, but Politically Correct journalists like  Brunswick assume sexism only harms women.  He mentions how a male left at home to care for children had support, unlike women who are expected to do such things alone.  Reading his article I would guess that  he was neither a stay at home dad or in the military.  As  a veteran with a 100 percent disability I took care of two children while their mother worked on her masters and worked-full time.  It wasn’t easy for either of us but harder for her.  There are some real perks caring for a child that many men don’t know about and women seem to hide from men while claiming “men just don’t know how hard it is” [For the record, many professional women who left kids in day care wish they could go back and do it over while supported partially or fully by a man. There is a good reason or two for this]  While caring for the children some women overdid the patronizing comments about what a great and unusual man I must be.  Others said “men shouldn’t care for children” and others treated me as equal to women in that role.  It’s not only women caring for children who face sexism but such sexism is easy to deal with compared to military life, 24/7, for soldiers, male or female. 

When we hear how the current wars are claiming more female lives than all the wars since WWII many will think it must be in the thousands.  It’s not.   Mark Brunswick informs us that 250,000 women have served and that 5% of homeless vets are women and that a higher percentage of women vets are unemployed.  Last one first.  Are the unemployed because a spouse is supporting them, something male vets are less likely to find?  Are the searching for flexible, easy and meaningful work as women tend to do if a man is supporting them. Did Brunswick even consider that?   And if 5% of vets who are homeless are women, what percentage are men?  Isn’t that more worthy of note and indicative of sexism?  He said female vets are less likely to seek help?  Based on what study?  It took me 25 years to go for help because my disability was from police work and not war.  When I went for help I ended up with a 100% disability the first time through. In vet groups we did some outreach and found men from WWII who had been living with PTST for decades.  Brunswick’s article doesn’t even deal with the higher rates of male suicide in battle areas and at home.  Is he unaware that men are more likely than women to kill themselves, or use drugs and booze to get by or to have one car or one motorcycle accidents?  Driver error?

Hillary and all the women alive in America today have had the vote.  It’s been about a hundred years since women, the largest voting block there is, have been voting and none protested when only males were drafted, many too young to vote, during the Viet Nam era.  Few noticed the “sexism” of 58,000 males and 8 females dying in Viet Nam for our country.  Boys might have avoided the war because they thought it wrong but not because of the sexism while some females protested the sexism of not taking shop class.

My son and daughter didn’t go into the military.  I had children late in life, age 40  plus.  They are college students.  If both were in the military the odds that my son would be blown apart are so much higher that it’s obscene to pretend that women face equal risks in war.  In civilian life it’s the same; it’s much safer to be born a female in America.  Pop Quiz. In America women outlived men by a year in 1920 and now it’s seven years so which gender had five national health centers and now finds the  Obama crew making it ten while the other gender has none?   It’s not women who face the worst discrimination in America; it’s men.  We teach boys to hide their pain, suck it up, “man up” or  shoot yourself.  Girls tears are kissed away.  It’s always been that way. 

Hillary Clinton’s sexist idea of war was expressed  to the First Ladies’ Conference on Domestic Violence in San Salvador:  “Women have always been the primary victims of war” she said.  Does anyone really believe that if women were coming home in body bags every week, or suffering brain injuries from road side bombs at the rate men are, or killed by snipers at the rates men are that she would not still claim it was women who were and are the primary victims of war?  In wars overseas and in the gender war at home it’s men who pay the highest price.  It’s time to stop pretending otherwise.

 Steven DeLuca

US Army retired.

PO BOX 1234 Mendocino CA 95460

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We Need to Stop Excusing Women’s Violence by Jan Brown

November 30th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Domestic abuse/violence, discrimination against men, jan brown

Jan Brown, Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women

For the past few weeks one of the the stars of MTV’s hit show, “Teen Mom,” Amber Portwood, has been the focus of a whole lot of media attention for her domestically violent behavior caught on tape towards the father of her toddler child Leah and boyfriend, Gary Shirley. Every news outlet from CBS to CNN to TMZ has written or spoken about the on-camera verbal and physical assaults that Amber has directed towards Gary. Gary, to his credit, has never physically retaliated.

Although I don’t know Gary personally I know thousands of “Gary’s” in similar situations. Gary, like other men in these situations who do not hit women or defend themselves against a woman’s violence, know the rules of the game i.e. if a woman hits you stand there in take it because if you defend yourself you’re going to jail. There is no excuse for abuse, unless it’s a woman doing the abusing.

For years women’s violence against men has been ignored, minimized and excused. However, this young women’s violence, caught on tape, has been hard to ignore or brush off. Had her violence not been caught on tape it’s likely that it would still be going on behind closed doors and no one would be the wiser…men don’t tell.

To view a 55 second clip of her physical and verbal abusiveness towards Gary click here And there is a lot more where that came from. One wonders how long the camera crew and producers would have let Gary get away with hitting, slapping, choking and berating Amber before stopping or reporting the domestic violence had roles been reversed.

Still some will choose to make excuses for Amber’s verbal and physical violence because Amber is a female and Gary is a male. Nothing new there, those entrenched in domestic violence issues have been making excuses for women’s violence for decades.

Take, for instance, Lynn Harris’s article for Salon, “Is female-on-male violence on the rise? ‘”Teen Mom’s”‘ Amber Portwood has turned a spotlight on women who hit. We take a closer look at the supposed trend,” (catch the “supposed” innuendo there?). Ms. Harris claims that women use violence out of frustration to get attention i.e. women are weak and needy of attention, while men use violence to assert their power and control over women, i.e. to keep them in their place and subservient to men. However, according to the comments made it seems few viewers of the show agree:

“I live in ambers hometown and…this crazy bit?h is 100 percent real! The stories about her fighting her neighbor over a parking spot, true! Her abusing Gary, true! She is an embarrassment to her entire town….” “…I think Amber and Gary need help, but i defiantly (sic) think Leah is better off with Gary then Amber I do not think she is safe with Amber.” “…Gary is far calmer and needs to have custody of Leah…Now she dumped Gary and has a new guy that she’s bringing around the baby. Has that new guy seen the show? Cause he might want to buy some protective gear.”

“…GREAT JOB GARY 4 putting LEAH first! Amber would love it if u were 2 b sneaky & disobey the laws..thus hurting Leah. Keep that monster AWAY until she is fit & allowed the privilege 2 b a mother again. If it ever even happens!” “I am so happy that the Amber abusive chick is getting what she deserves. Not only does she smack Gary around, but she is a risk for the baby. what if she goes crazy? like the time she locked the baby in the room because she was crying for her daddy. She can snap at any x and at anyone it is scary to have a person like that in your home.”

Bill at Bill’s Pro-feminist Blog in his posting on (although not on the subject of Amber’s violence but women’s violence against men in general), “But women do it to! On acknowledging female violence towards men,” also makes excuses for women’s violence. He reiterates what Ms. Harris says about women’s violence, “”First, we need to understand how women’s violence in relationships is often very different from men’s violence in relationships,”" and then he discusses how, and I’m paraphrasing here, women’s violence is less injurious and more about attention seeking while men’s is about, “…putting you back in your place, bitch.”" Additionally according to Bill men are in full control of their faculties, their use of violence is patriarchal in nature used to dominate and control while women use violence is because (here comes the excuses) they have a mental illness and/or abuse hard drugs i.e. they can’t help it. Hello, mental illness and hard drug use is not exclusive to women just as using violence as a means to control and gain power in a relationships is not exclusive to men.

Now back to Amber Portwood and Gary Shirley’s (and their toddler who witnessed Amber’s abuse of her father) situation, even with hard documented evidence of verbal threats and physical assault it took seven weeks before the police decided to charge Amber with two counts of felony and a misdemeanor. At this writing there has been no arrest because the DA still hasn’t even filed the charges yet. I think we can all agree that the investigation might have taken tops 48 hours if Gary was doing the hitting and berating on camera. He would have been arrested and locked up before you could say “Patriarchy.” ;-)

Although there are plenty of gray areas when it comes to domestic violence some still choose to continue to look at domestic violence as a black and white phenomonom; men’s patriarchy and men as a group are the cause of domestic violence. These same people continue to turn a blind eye to research that doesn’t fit their beliefs (see Dr. Daniel Whittaker et al Dr. Denise Hines, and Dr. Murray Straus for info on female domestic violence and male victimization) and continue to perpetuate the myth that women’s violence should be excused for the most part because it’s not as harmful or being used as a means to control and maintain power over an intimate partner. This thinking does a grave disservice to male victims, female perpetrators and the innocent children who are caught in the middle. As long as society continues to view female violence as harmless there will be people who believe that, “…shes not going to hit the baby she hits him because shes frustrated hes a big fat lazy bum I’d hit him too in fact I’d kick him to the curb.” and male victims and their children will suffer the consequences.

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Response to NCFM Amicus Brief in Monatana Supreme Court father registry case

October 1st, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Court Cases, discrimination against men

Click here to read the response, it’s a PDF file: montana-v-mbj-petitioners-response-to-ncfm-brief-100925-2.pdf

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September 9th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Harry Crouch, discrimination against men

The National Coalition For Men (NCFM) in conjuction with the Men’s Health Network filed an amicus brief in the above case opposing a putative father registry. NCFM was asked by a Montana District Court Judicial Staff Attorney to submit the brief. We then asked the Men’s Health Network and others to participate. Unfortunately, time constraints prohibited the MHN from being named in the final document. However, Ron Henry of MHN found attorney Andrew Freiheit who was the principle author of this incredible document, a documnet which should be read by anyone and everyone interested in civil rights, parental rights, and especially father’s rights. NCFM member volunteer attorney Al Rava assisted. Cooperatively working together with volunteers such as these is what helps make the world a better place for all of us. Click here to go to the page containing the link to the brief, look for “Brief - Amicus (National Coalition for Men) SEND UP WITH FINAL REPLY.”

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Memorial Day isn’t for the living

August 25th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Steven DeLuca, discrimination against men

Long time Men’s Rights Activist Steven DeLuca, thankfully, is a member of the National Coalition For Men. His insightful, heartfelt, and inspiring writing is the stuff of greatness. Over the decades it is activists like Mr. DeLuca who keep truth alive and the lies of ideology at bay. While Memorial Day 2010 has come and gone “Memorial Day isn’t for the living”should be bookmarked for reading again in May 2011… greatness is not necessarily insightful, heartfelt, or inspiring, but DeLuca always is, as is his tribute to the military men and women who have given much or all of their lives to us…


The gravestones at
 Arlington National Cemetery 

My mother is not close to me or my twin sister.  I left home decades ago at age 17 and we have barely spoken since.  She recently told me that I have a bad memory.   I wish that were true.  It’s not.  My short-term memory barely works but for important things I work at it and remember.  There are some things I wish I could forget.   I have a 100% disability from military duty, police work, not war. My emotions and thinking are sometimes not clear from nights of sleeping poorly, from intrusive thoughts.  I spent decades living untreated and undiagnosed from military duty in the 60’s and I suspect that too many concussions from boxing, karate, and prison fights have made things more difficult..  It’s not my memory that is a problem as much as being distracted when trying to learn, or being anxious.  Truth is, like the man turned into a newt in Monty Python’s Holy Grail, “I got bettah” over the last few years. Military benefits and therapy helped.

 I am better thanks to years of therapy and the support of veterans from a few of our wars.  My brain isn’t as good as it should be and sometimes I am too tired or distracted (FUBAR) to find the right files in my brain.  I have good days where it works well - or at least I think so.  I hope while writing this that this is one of those days. Memorial Day is a good day to discuss memories the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 My dreams are as vivid as the day.  I woke early this morning dreaming of boys riding into war in a Helicopter.  I felt as if I were there. The start of tears looking at boys on their way to die woke me. I have watched soldiers die.  One had a day to go before he went home with his mama waiting to have a party for him. Going away party, booze and jeeps at high speed on an airstrip.  Didn’t work out for him or his friends. 

 My soldiers in the dream are like the soldiers of most Americans. They kind’a, sort’a look alike.  Same clothing, same hair cut, same helmets. Just a group of vague looking men or like one lesbian feminist said of all men “They all look alike to me”.  Those vague images that take away male individuality are part of news stories that do the same. 

We hear 28 died in a mine, but we don’t even say 28 men, we might say 28 coal minors.  We say 8 soldiers died today.  Not eight MALE soldiers, just 8 soldiers.  If a bombing kills “just men” we give a number, “32″ died, but if women die we say “including 2 women” because women dying make the story more “special”.  MRA’s (Men’s rights activists) have noticed this for years.    In my dream I got closer and noticed each face more closely, so young. Too young to die which is what I thought of the “boys” who got out of basic training with me in 1966? Silly boys, funny boys, some mean and some kind boys but all trying to be tough soldiers.  I was a tough soldier.  I grew up as a tough boy.

 Yesterday I finished reading MATTERHORNby Karl Marlantes.  Christina Robb, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and author of  ”This Changes Everything” wrote of MATTERHORN:  ”Unforgettable…A beautifully crafted novel of unrivaled authenticity and power, filled with jungle heroism, crackerjack inventiveness, mud, blood, brotherhood, hatred, healing, terror, bureaucracy, politics, unfathomable waste, and unfathomable love.”

 Bad dreams with military themes are part of my life.  About  a dozen years ago after a couple of periods of homelessness, close to suicide, I was diagnosed and treated for damage done in the army decades earlier.  Social Services forced me to talk to the VA if I wanted a place to live and food stamps for me and my children.  If not for children suicide seemed a manly option rather than live a life a failure.  I got help.  There are vets on the streets that deserve the benefits I have which would dramatically improve their lives but they are too proud, or too messed up to get it. 

 I heard a woman once say “Veterans are a drain on ‘the system’” She doesn’t know that she would not have had the safe and comfortable life she has had if not for tens of thousands of dead men from many wars.  She would argue that men make war forgetting that in Viet Nam it was the male and female voters who sent boys to war, boys too young to vote.  Voting age was 21 then.  How many American women never voted?  Add up the lost votes of 58,000 men over 50 years, how many votes is that?  Toss in Korea, WWII when it comes to lost votes by gender it’s not that different.  Both genders pay a price for gender and I hope you didn’t read that here first.

 MATTERHORN had me dreaming of helicopters and men riding in them, dropped in to dangerous areas, scared to death, watching their friends get blown apart, waiting, and waiting, and waiting to die. Living in filthy clothes, leeches and pus, bad food, sleeping in the mud in dirty clothing and being rained on, months of it.  Equal work for equal pay is a mantra at the White House, women vote, men kiss ass for votes. Do civilians even know what military men get paid?  Or what they risk?  Men work hard for their money and yet women’s groups say men are unfairly paid and they want our taxes for their “special” needs. Obama and the leaders of NOW want women to get equal pay for equal work. Well, we all want that, always have, always will.  But that’s not what NOW really wants. They want more pay for jobs with less risk, fewer health issues, shorter hours, better working conditions and they want it NOW [With two screws in my right shoulder and one in my left hip I could move more dirt in a wheel barrow in two hours than could the president and vice president of the National Organization of Women put together in that same two hours - and that’s despite cancer three years ago and despite being 64 years old next week.  (I hope they take me up on that bet if they read this. They likely don’t believe it’s true.) These women have no idea how much physical work a man can do OR how much men’s health is affected from men’s work… and yet it is NOW that is in charge of gender studies and it’s NOW and the AAUW (American Association of University Women) who, while lying their asses off… and they know it… have the ear of the president, a president who wants to give them equal pay for “similar” not the same work. It will be NOW who will teach us what “similar” means. It is women teaching men and women the value of women and the lack of value of men who run the show.  Too many thoughts competing for these pages with Memorial Day coming closer.

 When I was in college in the 70’s, after the army, feminist teachers were enraged that while living “in a man’s world” their long dead great grandmothers didn’t get to vote.

They said “Even Black Men Got to Vote!” -  women being so low dontcha know that even blacks were held in higher esteem.  They were whining about not taking shop classes (I took home economics in 1964, if they wanted to take shop classes they could have). Well, black men were dying in our wars and some of our forefathers decided that if they were dying for our country voting was something they had earned.   Men are into being fair; most of us.  If men really wanted to oppress women, if that was our nature, then why did we men, once the roads were paved, the streets and work place safer, “allow” women to join us instead of just keeping them bare foot and PG.  Did women “overthrow us” with violent battles for shared power. To hear feminist tell us that’s how it was.  Brave women dying in the streets fighting their male oppressors in hand to hand combat. Sure, it took a generation or two.  Men’s rights groups have been fighting for consideration for our sons for three generations now it isn’t happening. 

 If we men are so tough and oppressive then why do MOST men just roll over today and give feminists any amount of funding they want based on any lie about men they tell, lies about: Violence Against Women or Unequal Pay or “Hostile Hallways” in public schools. It’s easy to find that these are lies, even some well-educated and powerful women admit it, but it doesn’t find its way to journalists or educators or politicians.  Any man who speaks up is shouted down as a fool. I wonder sometimes if making sure that our son’s can’t read is a feminist plot to make it even easier to control us than we are.

 In the helicopter of my dream I was watching the posturing of young boys going to war. 
Trying to look calm when they are not.  I know how that feels.  Karl Marlantes, author of MATTERHORN, smart enough to graduate from Yale and a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford was a Marine in Viet Nam.  Navy Cross, Bronze star, two purple hearts, ten air medals and more.    Only such a well  educated, man who was also a warrior could write this book and I suppose only men and women who have been in the military could feel it enough to have his stories enter their dreams and become so real too. This author knows how it feels to pretend that you don’t want to just run home and be safe with your family while you bravely go forward to protect that of what you are not sure of while facing death. 

 When I woke from the dream still seeing soldiers faces, faces of young boys I once knew, I thought about my son age 25.  At age 22 I was a military police Sgt.; at 25 he will soon be too old if they start drafting boys again.  I was next to my wife, still sleeping as the sun came up and after I had let my miniature poodle pup onto our bed. I stayed in bed so my wife, a hard working woman, could sleep longer while my puppy slept head on my shoulder.  Sun softy in the window.  I thought they both looked beautiful and how lucky I am but I also thought about the dream, and children and war and life and Memorial Day. 

 I thought about how I had met my wife when my son was 5 and starting Kindergarten in her co-workers class.  She, a school district administrator now, was teaching Kindergarten then.  I recall seeing her standing on a chair putting ABC letters over a black board - athletic and feminine body - watching her and thinking we should go on a date.  Dating sounds so dated today in our “hook-up” culture.  Well, hooking up was part of what I was thinking then too.  I was taking my beautiful son to his first kindergarten class after divorcing his mother the new school district librarian who moved to Northern CA from Boulder CO.  My wife today, single then, asked the other Kindergarten teacher about me when she saw me taking my son to class.  Her co-worker said “He’s bad news”. 

I am  pretty sure there were many times when she wished she had taken that warning to heart but - truth is - many women like bad boys even if we don’t turn out to be great husbands.

 My children’s mom had just started as the district librarian and I guess she had spread the word “Bad News” because what?  She wanted to make sure that this X vet with employment and marital problems couldn’t get a job in a small town.  [Best interests of “our” children?]   I can’t blame her, I was a mess, caused her a lot of pain,  and this was years before I was diagnosed and treated for Post-traumatic Stress Disorder and related problems.  Neither of us understood my “issues” It took me decades to forgive myself and she still hasn’t.  Well, my children have forgiven me for a few things, I did alright considering.  I know that and so do they. 

 I ended up “dating” and eventually marrying, divorcing, marrying, divorcing and marrying my wife a third time over the last 20 years.  Therapy started in the middle of our second marriage when I was homeless again.  Therapy took a few years to overcome a lot of damage.  Today we are “in love” with each other, life is good. I want other veterans too proud to go for help or too messed up to just “do it”.  You deserve it.  Do it now.

 Soon after we first met I helped my wife with an event for children and I, a failed artist among other failures volunteered to paint children’s faces. It’s not often a man can be with small children in such an intimate way, not like mothers, or teachers.  I would look into their eyes as I painted their “requests” on their faces.   Girls wanted to be princesses and doctors, school teachers and nurses.  The boys often wanted to be Super Heroes.  I painted princess faces and Super Hero faces and nurses too.   Some are soldiers today, others nurses, and so it goes.

 Eight women died in Viet Nam.  Eight.  Just 8.  And each of them has as much value as each of the men.  The women didn’t have to be there.  The volunteered to go help their brothers who were often drafted and forced to be there.  Those women are my sisters and heroes.  More than 58, 000 men, many were boys and too young to vote, died in a war that American men AND women supported and voted for.  Hundreds of thousands of men, decades later, still live with injuries from that war while we send our boys to war, again, today. 

 The women of the National Organization of Women tell us, incorrectly, that females get paid less per hour for “equal” work.  They will tell us that the reason that they refer to “Domestic Violence Victims” as female and the perpetrators as male is because it’s overwhelmingly so and they don’t want to be “gender neutral” to accurately show men’s brutality.  This is a huge lie, but you have to research DV to learn that and most people are too busy.  Feminist groups also say women are paid less - another  lie [Read “Why Men Earn More” or Google same] but then they will speak of “our men and women killed in battle” as if 8 to 58,000 is equal, because they want language to be “gender neutral” so that girls won’t feel slighted or think that girls can’t be brave. We teach out daughters and sons that girls and boys can be brave but that only boys and men are violent in American families.  We call such teaching “gender studies” and claim that gender issues are only women’s issues.

 Memorial day, I think of the “boys” I was in the army with as my orders for Viet Nam were cancelled because I had qualified for officer’s candidate school.  Today I wonder which boy was hoping he was headed to Hawaii yet he ended up getting my orders for Viet Nam.   I ended up in Korea for 14 months instead.  Lucky me.  Well, just like civilian male jobs, there are army jobs besides war that are dangerous.

 I think of not just soldiers on Memorial Day but of the many male bodies and souls crushed or killed in work too.  95 % of the work place deaths are male but you won’t hear that in “gender studies”.  I will be 64 next week and almost all of the dead people I have heard of among my peers are dead men. They are dead from work, or war, or suicide or preventable health issues and yet we expand women’s national health programs from five to ten and we still have none for men. Women tell us that we MEN don’t care about women’s health when they only outlived us by a year in 1920 and now it’s 6 and it’s mostly male taxes paying for their heavily used medical programs. 

 We discuss “Equal pay for equal work” and I read about dead coal miners dying by the box car load in China, America, and Russia.  So many men from my generation are dead from work, or war, or suicide from the stress of male lives while the women of NOW tell us that only women pay a price for gender. 

 I loved looking at those innocent children’s faces when I was painting them, making them smile.  Making them laugh.  I wonder how many had their dreams come true. They are old enough now to be nurses or Super Heroes. I read in the paper that our warriors from our current wars are dying.  They nurses live but they are at least aware of the price men pay and they suffer too.  I hope those children who wanted to be nurses or super heroes are not dying in Iraq - dying for oil.

 In the book MATTERHORN the author mentions Chesty Puller.  Marines know who he is but my children, my wife, my college teachers and most friends do not know his name.  This Memorial Day learn his name, and read his son’s Pulitzer winning biography “Fortunate Son” about his experiences in Viet Nam.  As a 22 year-old military police Sgt., I left the army in 1969 the year the music group Clearance Clearwater Revival sang  “Fortunate son” [I ain’t no senators son is part of that song] “Fortunate son” became the title of Lewis  Puller’s book.  Chesty was the most decorated marine ever.  Lewis B Puller Jr., wanted to be a hero like his dad and he was a hero but the price was too much… 

 I didn’t know Lewis Puller’s story until the early 90’s when I was the suicidal father of two young children and suffering from PTSD from child abuse and military violence.  I read “Fortunate Son” after finding it in a second hand book store.  I saw Lewis Puller’s photo later and I saw him in the news and on TV - I saw a boy who had been blown up, badly injured, suffering with PTSD and physical pain, drug withdrawal, way too many operations, and yet there he was, years later, as a man in his wheel chair, with the president, his children smiling behind him, and a fucking Pulitzer prize to boot.  Why couldn’t I be a man like him when he suffered so much more?  Keep going.  One more day.  If he could do it I should be able to as well. My hero, Lewis B Puller. Go marines.  I was a tough army guy, a tough boy, a tough man, I had children, I couldn’t just shot myself when men like Puller - dare I say, pulled through, with colors.

 When I read Chesty Puller’s name in MATTERHORN I realized my wife and her liberal and two pro-feminist brothers, all three educators would not know either Chesty or Lewis Puller’s names.  They might know that women got the vote after black men.  They would hear the false claim that women get paid less for the same work and maybe believe it but they don’t know the true statistics about how many BOYS and men die in work or war or from preventable health issues or suicide. . If women died in such numbers we would all know because we would all be taught to care.  But hey, men’s lives, whatever, there are more where they came from.

It’s no more likely that MATTERHORN will end up in gender studies class than did the book FORTUNATE SON despite the Pulitzer.   Feminist are not interested in the price men pay for gender. I learned that when I was invited to speak as a father taking care of his children in a program to help girls “Reach for the Stars.”  I was there with my three-year-old son to convince boys that diaper changing while your wife gets a Masters was a great idea for them.  Boys were being taught that this was the least they could do to “make up for” eons of oppression of women by their forefather.  What I learned was that the boys would support any work or non work option their wives might want but not one female student was willing to support a man.  And they didn’t see that this might affect wage earnings down the road.

 I asked those high school kids why all their “gender issues” were only “women’s issues” and only by “feminist women”.  They had no idea how many men died in the work place for an extra buck an hour which was often given to women.  History suggests that the Viet Nam was misguided but that wasn’t Puller’s fault.  These high school kids were being MSguided about gender and some would grow up to teach the dogma that they were learning.  It’s not their fault.  Some would go into politics, some into law, men were being trashed based in myths which are taught early in life and after forty years thrive in the White House too. Biden and Obama, good boys pleasing women.

 Marlantes writes about boys knowing  that they are going to take a hill and get killed doing so in Viet Nam.  And for what?  To give it back later and take it again with more boys dying. Can you imagine knowing you are going to die for a hill that will be forgotten by Memorial Day next, or the one after that?  Civilians, including a woman with a PhD in Clinical Psychology I heard speak at an American Psychiatric Associations world convention speak publicly about “stupid men” going to war and stupid men going into battles knowing they would die - and how women would not do that because women are smarter. Well, we send our sons to war and the coal mines and to sea and the forests where risk of death is high. It’s a male way of giving and protecting families. It’s because males will do it that few women “must” do it and only if they “want” to do it. We don’t draft women when soldiers are dying. Today in our wars just as in past wars our boys are dying and wondering if they will be remembered. Wondering if their lives mattered as many women will go shopping for “Memorial day sales!”   And no, not all women are like that. I have had women tell me “thank you for serving” as they see my disabled vet POW pass given by the state of CA for camping in our state parks…. I do wonder how many 100% disabled vets do go camping in our state parks.

 We sip coffee while reading the paper.  We share a story about trapped or dead coal miners or more boys killed in our wars and then we go for a walk, shop at Safeway, make love, watch a movie and a flicker of a shadow of a thought says … glad that’s not my child or my family - as if it’s not someone else’s child or someone else’s family suffering.  Misguided war or not, it’s not our young men’s fault that their fathers and mothers send them to war.  We are MSguiding our children by teaching them those only women give and it’s not likely that this Memorial Day that any journalist will dare mention all these dead men as a “gender issue”.  There will be no discussion of WHY we send our sons to the coal mines, or to war, but not our daughters.  We value women more yet we are taught that we value women less and sometime this next week you well read a woman journalist, or maybe even a man saying women suffer more from war, mothers you know, … we heart that while some man is hiding in his work shed for 40 years trying to keep it together, trying not to “off” himself.

 Memorial Day.  I am thinking about the faces of the children I painted, now grown.  They are old enough to be the faces of the boys in the helicopter of my dream, super heroes scared to death facing fear most of us are spared from.   MATTERHORN and FORTUNATE SON are two books that should be on reading lists for “gender” studies along with “Death of a Salesmen” but that’s not likely. 

 Our high school and college girls and boys are reading “Reviving Ophelia” where they read that four times as many girls try to commit suicide.  They won’t know that most of those attempts are simply calls for help - for attention and - and,   that some of them expect to get the help they are asking for.  They won’t know that four times as many boys will actually kill themselves.  The author Mary Pipher of Reviving Ophelia (”Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls”) decided to ignore that “fact” while she taught the myth that girls suffer more than boys do.

 Not too many years ago, but in another life,   before being diagnosed and treated for PSD I was driving down a road on a sunny day  in the same  $2,000 pick-up truck I took my son home from the hospital in when he was born in 1988.   Puller’s book came out in 1991 I think. I don’t recall the year I read it or the year I heard over my truck radio the name of Lewis Puller, my hero.  I immediately pictured him with his family, smiling for the camera with the president.  I thought of his Pulitzer and wondered again why he had endured far more than I and yet had done so much better.  My hero. One of the reason I never went for help was seeing how well he was doing and judging myself as less of a man for not “getting it together” from military duty and seeing myself having trouble in work and relationships -  I turned up the radio, my hero Lewis B Puller, Pulitzer prize, nice family,  had taken his life.  I wanted to crash my truck. I was angry. I was too sad for words.  I wondered if I would do “it” too. Kill yourself, silence the voices in my head, stop suffering. I drove, tears blotted out a beautiful day that I had barely noticed to start with.

 Lewis, sorry bro. I will toast you today with a glass of red wine.  I had it not nearly as bad as thee.  Were you the one who went to Viet Nam in my place?  You were not, some boy was. And for all my sisters, we all went so you didn’t have to. I will toast the 8 dead nurses and the 58,000 dead soldiers and I if I prayed I would pray for the men and women in our war zones today.  Maybe next year our MSeducated “gender studies” students will find Lewis Puller’s book on their reading list next to Reviving Ophelia and maybe even along with Christian Hoff Sommers book “The War Against Boys” or Warren Farrell’s “Why Men Are the Way They Are“. Maybe.  I had such thoughts years ago but today I see feminist men and women running the White House. 

 In today’s news in one of the scariest stories ever. Today Saturday May 22, 2010 with Memorial Day coming I read “America Showing Weakness” by Charles Krauthammer.  In a culture where ¼ of boys are too fat for the military our enemies are getting stronger. While men and women in American have a gender war where boys lives are being cast aside a real war is coming.  Our boys are killing themselves.  Our boys are dropping out of college and many are too uneducated to even get into the military.  Feminist rejoice.  Women in America are stronger than the men, they live longer, are making more money, women rule “yougogirlfriend”.

Krauthhammer says America isn’t just in decline, it’s in retreat.

Memorial Day 2010 will be here soon.  Where are Chesty Puller and the Super Heroes?  Where are American men today? Too many are kissing feminist women’s butts and thinking that makes them better than their brothers.    Will our country be safer while our enemies get stronger and we continue to pretend our son’s must pay for the bogus claims of feminist advocacy groups/ Sistahs, our sons pay  now but you have no idea of what the price this will cost ya’ll later.    

 We are not making our sons proud to be men.  We don’t teach them about real heroes who are the fathers who go to work in coal mines, or about the Wily Lomas, We teach them that soldiers are losers.  We teach our children that their fathers and forefathers were “male chauvinist pigs” and that women have paid a heavy price for gender.  Well, Sistahs and Bruthas, a war is coming and we fight with each other and we ignore our history and pretend “herstory” is more accurate. 

 I know how the book Fortunate Son ended and how Lewis Puller ends.  I know how MATTERHORN ends. I am worried about how America will end.  I just want to paint children’s faces and pretend that children won’t have to grow up to be warriors and princesses or dead boys and nurses.  I want to just walk my dog along the river. Walk hand in hand with my wife.  I don’t want to think about how we have ripped into masculinity in America for 40 years and I don’t want to read about “America Showing Weakness” as young men and women around the world study very hard as our sons, all of our sons, not just black boys and brown boys but white boys too, all of our sons are our brothers and need to stick together because a war is coming.

 I don’t want to read about young boys training to be warriors in foreign countries while our sons are getting fat drinking beer, eating chips and playing video games and flunking out of class no good for work or war.  At heart I am still a warrior who remembers the boys from basic training who went to war and then came home to colleges where they learned that warriors were scum and men are pigs and women don’t beat children or each other or men.  America is being educated by liars and they end up running the country, for however much longer we have a country.  Memorial day. Those who don’t remember their history are doomed to repeat it.  Here’s to you Lewis Puller, your brothers, and the tens of thousands valient warriors who gave their live for us. You are in our hearts and prayers this Memorial Day 2010.

Sgt. DeLuca, US Army Retired

PO Box 1234, Mendocino, CA 95460 USA

Steven DeLuca 

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CALL TO ACTION, we need voices to be heard

August 24th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in False Accusation, Harry Crouch, discrimination against men

“The National Coalition for Men and numerous family-friendly organizations have long fought against our nation’s abuse of power as presently exercised under the guise of ‘protecting children’. One such recent action, taken by San Diego County and documented in this CAll to ACTION, offers a public view into how misguided Federal programs, inspired by Radical Feminism and mandated on local government, then incentivized by lucrative Title IV-D financial reimbursements (our ‘missing’ Social Security money), act to destroy families and to bring children under governmental parentage…” NCFM member John Van Doorn asks for those who oppose such things to join him when he next testifies before the San Diego Board of Supervisors. If you can join him or want more information please contact him at .

First, read the CAll to ACTION. If you are not familiar with the recent CPS intrusion you should be. Please notice the total disregard given to the family, the total lack of evidence to substantiate anything, and the pressure to remove the father from the family for not one shred of anything other than a misguided belief in feminist driven ideology. And, consider, if the ”System” can rid the family of the caring father the system can then tag him with child support payments as well as the cost of the social workers who intruded in the family. Once child support payments are levied the system earns incentive money from the federal government. The incentive money pays for more social workers to intrude into more families. It’s a lose-lose system of concentric circles with ever increasing reach for ever increasing money simply to propagate the system of circles and the soft jobs therein. The only true solution is to stop the money.Only through the loud voices of the disenfranchised will we ever overcome such corruption. Legislative reform by its nature is “compromise” and generally sets the stage for more injustice and litigation while resolving little.Please read the the information here and if able join us as requested. We are working with national and local organizations to build a coalition of voices that can be heard. If you are interested in more information please contact Harry Crouch at 619-231-1909.

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unbelievable story… read the transcript… perjury established… I sent to District Attorney

August 12th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Domestic abuse/violence, False Accusation, Restraining orders, discrimination against men, family court (large file, allow time to download)

That link takes you to an unbelievable transcript. In a related hearing this week minor’s counsel established there were 25 false accusations! Then the falsely accused father strapped on a GPS… I’ve sent this to the San Diego District Attorney who has promised that it will be turned over to the police for investigation. The transcript establishes a series of crimes including perjury of which there is no question. Guess to whom the court awarded custody of the children?

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California courts give woman child support and a homeless man’s inheritance even though DNA test says no and so does the woman’s daughter!

July 29th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Child support, Paternity fraud, discrimination against men

This is an absolute egregious miscarrage of what “justice” used to mean.


 company logo 

National Coalition For Men


 Working together since 1977 to free men from sex discrimination


Contact: Marc E. Angelucci, Esq. (626-319-3081)

For Immediate Release

Los Angeles/July 29, 2010 - On July 28, 2010, the California Supreme Court declined to review a decision from the Third District Court of Appeal in San Diego, California that upheld an order forcing a Hari Wilburn to pay tens of thousands of dollars in child support for a child that is not his, even though DNA excludes him as the biological father and he never acted as the father. On August 17, 2010, at 9:30 a.m., the probate court in Department 2 of the San Diego Superior Court will hear the mother’s request to intercept Mr. Wilburn’s inheritance from his deceased mother in order to pay the child support order from 1991. (Hari Wilburn v. Cathy Tate.)

Mr. Wilburn was represented at the appellate level by attorney Marc E. Angelucci of the Men’s Legal Center, who founded the Los Angeles chapter of the National Coalition For Men (”NCFM”). NCFM, a nonprofit organization that addresses the ways sex discrimination affects men and boys and helped change California law in 2005 to help protect men from false paternity claims, supported Mr. Wilburn’s appeal and denounces the injustice of forcing the wrong persons to pay support.

In 1991, Cathy Tate named Mr. Wilburn as the father of her five-year-old child Alexis in a restraining order proceeding in San Diego. Mr. Wilburn, who was homeless, was never personally served and there is no record of any service except by mail to Mr. Wilburn’s mother’s address, which is not legally proper. Nonetheless, the court found Mr. Wilburn was served, issued a restraining order and ordered Mr. Wilburn to pay child support. Mr. Wilburn was not present in the court hearing.

Seventeen years later, in 2008, Ms. Tate asked the probate court to intercept tens of thousands of dollars Mr. Wilburn was about to inherit from his deceased mother, based on the 1991 support order. Mr. Wilburn’s family tracked down 22 year old Alexis and asked her to take a DNA test, which excluded Mr. Wilburn as Alexis’ biological father. Mr. Wilburn’s family hired an attorney, who filed a motion challening the child support order. Alexis signed a sworn declaration stating Mr. Wilburn never acted as her father and that she only saw him a few times in her life. The San Diego Superior Court denied the motion, ruling Mr. Wilburn should have challenged the order sooner, despite the fact that he was homeless and living under a bridge. On appeal, the Third District Court of Appeal upheld the order on the same grounds, and the California Supreme Court declined review.

“This is totally unjust,” said Angelucci. “It is wrong for the courts to force a man to pay child support for a child that is not his, especially where he never acted as the child’s father, like in Mr. Wilburn’s case.”

According to the American Association of Blood Banks, 30 percent of DNA paternity tests nationwide turn out negative. “That’s out of about 300,000 tests per year nationwide,” said Angelucci. “In raw numbers that amounts to at least 100,000 negative results per year in the U.S., and that’s only the men who get tested. So this is a serious, under addressed problem.”


Wilburn v. Tate appellate decision

“Who Knew I Was Not the Father?” by Ruth Padawer


 Harry CrouchPresident, National Coalition For Men IMPORTANT: The National Coalition For Men (NCFM - ) is qualified to accept donations from United States government and military personnel worldwide through the “International” Combined Federal Campaign ( If you are a U.S. Federal employee please consider donating to NCFM. Our CFC# is 17785, please pass it on. If you are not a federal employee please encourage your federal employee friends and acquaintances to donate to NCFM through the CFC. Join NCFM on facebook - and pass it around so others can join too! Dedicated to men, their families, children, and the women who love them. California Men’s Center is primarily funded by donations from individuals and by the National Coalition for Men (NCFM). There is no paid staff. All donations help. Your donation can made by Internet by clicking on this DONATE.  NCFM-SD is a tax exempt 501(c)3 organization - or go to (you may have to cut and paste that into your browser) Call us for help with your child custody dispute. We provide Family Court Services mediation prepartion too. Need a paternity test or information about paternity fraud? Go to Read the story to understand the full impact of paternity fraud. 

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NPR Gives Raped Males The Unworthy Victim Treatment

June 30th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Domestic abuse/violence, Harry Crouch, Sexual Assault/Rape, discrimination against men

FYI, IMPORTANT request below my signature block. Please help by contacting NPR…

Harry Crouch

California Men’s Centers

National Coalition For Men

IMPORTANT: The National Coalition For Men (NCFM - ) is qualified to accept donations from United States government and military personnel worldwide through the “International” Combined Federal Campaign ( If you are a U.S. Federal employee please consider donating to NCFM. Our CFC# is 17785, please pass it on. If you are not a federal employee please encourage your federal employee friends and acquaintances to donate to NCFM through the CFC.

Join NCFM on facebook - and pass it around so others can join too! ____________________________________________________________________________

Please contact NPR’s Morning Edition, per the alert below, if you have the time.  Thanks.


RADAR ALERT:NPR Gives Raped Males The Unworthy Victim Treatment

Last week, June 23, Attorney General Eric Holder missed the deadline for issuing standards to prevent prison rape.1

Men being raped in prison is so accepted by mainstream America that Saturday Night Live’s writers saw nothing wrong with doing 4-1/2 minutes of ass-rape jokes in a sketch called “Scared Straight” that ended with Betty White saying emphatically, “Wizard of Ass”!2 Blogger Scott Starnes states the attitude explicitly. Under a graphic stating “Ass-Rape: It’s Always Funny,” Starnes asks: “Who honestly cares about criminals being ass-raped in prison?”3

Ignorant callousness is an obvious problem for reformers trying to eliminate prison rape. But an even more insidious problem is the media’s treatment of male victims as unworthy of concern, as NPR’s Morning Edition recently did.4. NPR chose to ignore the fact that 90% of incarcerated individuals are male, and instead focused their story solely on a female-prisoner’s experience of prison-rape. This form of bias is so subtle that most listeners won’t even notice it. But it is a classic example of the very media bias described by Noam Chomsky and Edward Herman in their book Manufacturing Consent5, in which they write:

“Our hypothesis is that worthy victims will be featured prominently and dramatically, that they will be humanized, and that their victimization will receive the detail and context in story construction that will generate reader interest and sympathetic emotion. In contrast, unworthy victims will merit only slight detail, minimal humanization, and little context that will excite and enrage.”

NPR’s decision to focus solely on a female victim’s experience demonstrates that they view female rape victims as “worthy” and male victims as “unworthy.” And their mischaracterizing the issue will inevitably lead to stronger protections for female inmates and weaker or non-existent protections for the vast majority of inmates – the male inmates.

Society’s indifference to male victimization helps explain why the Department of Justice can’t get its act together to come up with standards that are already pretty well known. Columnist Robert Franklin summarizes the DoJ’s cynical attitude about missing the deadline as, “Why bother? It’s mostly men who are abused, right?”6

Cultural assumptions play an important role in the creation of public policy. And a subtly biased story coming from a mainstream media outlet like NPR is far more effective in propagating and perpetuating bias than anything an obviously biased blogger like Scott Starnes could come out with. Therefore, efforts at exposing subtle bias and trying to correct it are essential to RADAR’s mission to reform the nation’s domestic violence laws.

Kindly contact Morning Edition

and ask them to do a follow-up story on the DoJ’s failure to issue standards for the prevention of prison rape. Let them know that their listeners want them to treat male victims as equally worthy of sympathy as female victims. In Chomsky and Herman’s words, the suffering of male victims should be featured prominently and dramatically, the male victims should be humanized just as NPR’s stories have done for female victims, and stories on male victims should give sufficient detail and context to generate reader interest and sympathetic emotion.

When you contact NPR, please be polite.









Date of RADAR Release: June 29, 2010

R.A.D.A.R. – Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting – is a non-profit, non-partisan organization of men and women working to improve the effectiveness of our nation’s approach to solving domestic violence.


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New Hampshire threatens to let die its Commission on the Status of Men

April 20th, 2010
By Harry Crouch
Article Source
Posted in Domestic abuse/violence, False Accusation, Harry Crouch, discrimination against men

You can read about it in the letter the National Coalition For Men sent members of the New Hampshire Legislature. Just click on this link. You might consider sending a polite letter of support too if you have not already done so.

Harry Crouch

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