Let’s Talk [Or Not]

January 18, 2010

One day I sat thinking, almost in despair; a hand fell on my shoulder and a

voice said reassuringly: cheer up, things could be worse. So I cheered up and

things got worse.                                                                     (James Hagerty)

Most researchers and interveners agree that intimate partner violence (IPV) does not mysteriously or suddenly appear the day heterosexual intimate partners reach adulthood nor is IPV limited to heterosexuals. Many interveners believe that teen dating relationships are the primary gateways to adult IPV.

Perhaps this is one reason that U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder and U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan met on December 3, 2009 with teen leaders, their parents and the program directors from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation’s Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships. The Family Violence Prevention Fund (FVPF) is the National Program Office for Start Strong.

The meeting was also in conjunction with nationwide events as part of the 6^th annual It’s Time to Talk Day, organized by Liz Claiborne Inc. (LCI). This meeting was to draw national attention to the importance of talking about domestic violence, teen dating violence and intimate partner abuse.

The Secretary of Education Arne Duncan said something that I believe with ever fiber of my being:

For too long we’ve been unwilling to face the reality [emphasis added] that teen dating violence occurs. It’s been a taboo subject folks would simply not talk about. [emphasis added] But we can’t afford to do that any more: too many young people are getting hurt. We must all do our part to break the silence and work toward eliminating teen dating violence.

However, both Holder and Duncan appear unable or unwilling to recognize that the FVPF and LCI, as their websites clearly document, rarely acknowledge female offending or male victimization.

The Facts

The Facts on Teens and Dating is on the FVPF website. The first sentence of the opening paragraph reports that, “While dating, domestic and sexual violence affect women regardless of their age, teens and young women are especially vulnerable.” The FVPF does not talk about the fact that dating, domestic and sexual violence also affects men regardless of their age.

In the same paragraph the FVPF talks about the victimization of women and for a second time does not talk about the victimization of men. In the same paragraph the FVPF cites a study that reports huge numbers of young people are affected by partner violence. And once again the FVPF does not talk about male victimization or female offending in the above study they cite:

Prevalence of Partner-Violent Acts Committed During the Past Year Within Couples and Separately for Men and Women [This data is from the study the FVPF cited above]

In the first sentence under “Prevalence of Violence” the FVPF talks about girls “Approximately one in three adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner - a figure that far exceeds victimization rates for other types of violence affecting youth.”

The CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly reports that in 2003, 8.9% of boys and 8.8% of girls were hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend. Holder and Duncan should question why the FVPF ignore talking about the victimization of boys.

What is more troubling is the 2007 CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly reports that years later the percentage of victimization remains the same for girls at 8.8% and the victimization for boys increased to 11.0%.

Perhaps this increase in male victimization is due, at least in part, to the fact that dating violence programs, similar to the FVPF and LCI do not talk about female offending. When they do talk about female offending they excuse female offending as being primarily self defensive and they claim that the motivation for girls is different than boys. However, the empirical data found here Let’s Talk About Dating Violence does not support their claims.

A study sponsored by LCI documents that both boys and girls suffer from approximately the same rates of verbal abuse. Most studies indicate that girls do suffer more emotionally from teen dating abuse. However, there should be no question that boys are still raised to conceal their emotions far more than girls.

The Sad Silence

Nothing speaks to the gender bias of FVPF and LCI more clearly than the LCI A Parent’s Guide to Teen Dating Violence. The LCI guide always uses “he” when referring to offenders and “she” when referring to victims. Incredulously and without shame, LCI ignores the studies it sponsors and claims that this implicit bias is because the U.S. Department of justice estimates more than 90% of all relationship abuse victims are female.

The FVPF and LCI rarely talk about the plausible theories and scientific data concerning cause, offending and victimization because of their ideological held belief that males are almost always the aggressive offenders and females are the passive victims - concerning IPV. Is it logical for organizations that, as their websites document, refuse to talk about male victimization and female offending, should be leading educational programs for our sons and daughters?

Holder, Duncan, the FVPF and LCI choose to ignore contemporary research and recommendations from a recent study and workshop that was co-sponsored by the U.S. Department of Justice and Health and Humans Services that recommend the following:

Because girls engage in high levels of physical aggression and psychological abuse and most abusive relationships are characterized by mutual aggression, prevention efforts must be directed toward both males and females, and interventions for victims should include services and programming for boys and girls.

For the safety of our daughters and our sons, dating violence education needs to be based in science and not ideology. The websites of the FVPF and LCI demonstrate that these organizations have little to no interest in talking about our sons victimization or our daughters offending.

2010 Senatorial Styled Awareness

Apparently Holder and Duncan are not alone. Just as the 110^th House of Representatives did not talk about male victimization or female offending House Resolution 590, so goes the Senate in 2010.

Senate Resolution 373 seeks to designate the month of February 2010 as National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Month. I agree that it is time that we talk about dating violence. However, the 111^th Congress, similar to the 111^th, has chosen not to talk about male victimization or female offending.

The resolution talks about, “Whereas dating, domestic, and sexual violence affect women regardless of their age, and teens and young women are especially vulnerable. The 111^th Congress, similar to the FVPF and LCI has chosen not to talk about the victimization of men regardless of their age.

Further the resolution talks about, “…approximately 1 in 3 adolescent girls in the United States is a victim of physical, emotional, or verbal abuse from a dating partner…” Apparently the two Senators who introduced the bill, Senator Crapo and Senator Lieberman are unaware of or do not want to talk about the national Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System that is conducted by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and has been reporting for the last few years that more boys report being victims of dating violence than girls.

I sit here on a cold January snow filled New England morning and feel a chill. The chill is not due to the weather. It is due to the fact that, as a father of three daughters and two sons, I know that few domestic violence interveners, public policy makers, or members of the electronic and print media will face reality and talk about female offending and male victimization next month because it is a taboo subject that FVPF,  LCI, the 110^th and 111^th Congress, do not  talk about. And no one is willing talk to our daughters about the fact that the number one reason for being hit or injured in a teen dating relationship is to hit your partner first.

The Senate Resolution 373 claims that it is intended to support communities and to empower teens to develop healthier relationships. Parents should expect support for both their daughters and their sons. Just what is it that the FVPF, LCI, the 110th and 111th Congress are waiting for before they are willing to talk about male victimization and female offending. ?

Is there not a single member of the 111^th Congress or a member of the media that is able to connect the dots between this continued refusal to talk about or minimize male victimization and excuse female offending with the fact that the victimization of our daughters does not decrease and the victimization of our sons continues to increase?

____________________________________________________

If you are reading this in print please use this URL http://tinyurl.com/yabl6z3 to read it online at www.Gather.com You have read my opinion. Now you can use the online version to instantly research, read and form your own opinions about the validity of the studies and decide for yourself if The Family Violence Prevention Fund and the Liz Claiborne Inc websites present the issue of dating violence in a fair and unbiased fashion. And you can decide if their websites fairly and without bias do or do not talk about female offending and male victimization. Regardless of what you decide I ask that you contact your Senator with this hyperlink because, as Secretary Duncan notes, we need to talk about dating violence.

For V-Day 2003, to call attention to the transformation of Valentine Hearts to Violence and Vaginas, there was a contest for the best parody of “If I Only Had a Heart.” The most memorable entry came from Weldon Cabaniss III of San Antonio, TX. Hear song, attached. Feel free to distribute (with appropriate credit to Weldon) if you think it would help: If I only Had a “V”

“False accusations are not a rarity, they are themselves a form of rape, and a political hot potato. It will doubtless take a female politician of enormous integrity to confront the issue.” Warren Farrell, Myth of Male Power. The Myth of Male Power is a must read for anyone interested in issues related to false accusations.

REASONS WOMEN MAKE VARIOUS FALSE SEXUAL ALLEGATIONS INSTITUTE for PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPIES (IPT Journal), Frank S. Zepezauer, Vol. 6, No. 2, 1994.
If anyone has information as complete and credible as this since 1994 please send it to me.

We are also looking for a copy of Charles P. McDowell, Ph.D. “False Allegations” which was published in Forensic Science Digest, (publication of the U.S. Air Force Office of Special Investigations), Vol. 11, No. 4 (December 1985), p. 64. If you have a copy please send it my way.

As an aside, if you are interested in learning how to protect yourself or someone else from false accusations, particularly false rape accusations, you might read Sex, Lies, and Rape, How to Recognize False Allegations of Rape.

Take Care,
Harry Crouch
President National Coalition For Men

On Friday, November 5, 2009, Amidst the raging healthcare reform debate, four men arrived on Capitol Hill, armed with little more than the truth and a flyer from the National Coalition For Men. The flyer was distributed to all 435 Representatives’ offices. The flyer concerns House Resolution 817 which is riddled with false information, is gender biased against men, and reinforces wrongful gender based stereotypes. The visits and flyer puts the VAWA crowd on notice: you need to start telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, which they are apparently incapable of doing! Thank you RADAR and out NCFM members therein… we’re everywhere.

Attached is a letter from the National Coalition For Men to the Office of Violence Against Women regarding the recent West Virginia court case in which the state’s domestic violence organization, the Family Violence Prevention Services Board’s,  policies, procedures, and practices were voided because they were blatantly unconstitutional and discriminated against men. A number of allied organizations joined NCFM by endorsing the letter.

Harry Crouch

President, NCFM

By Richard Davis

All truth are easy to understand once they are discovered, the point is to discover them.

Galileo Galilei (1564-1642)

On October 13, 2009, a columnist for the Boston Globe writing about domestic violence noted that Dan Walsh, the CEO of the ROSE fund said, “It’s an issue that most people know little about.” A female domestic violence victim in the column is quoted as saying, “The fact that this is somehow characterized as a ‘women’s issue’ is nuts.” If you read the column you may discover just how right they really are.

My research paper about domestic violence-related deaths explains why so many people continue to know so little about domestic violence, which is not merely a women’s issue since it impacts all of us.

The 110^th Congress passed H.Res. 590 proclaiming that the House of Representatives is concerned with raising awareness about domestic violence and its devastating effects on families and communities. However, the resolution wrongly and exclusively mentions males as offenders while ignoring victims and female perpetrators.

Staffers for our elected representatives need to learn and understand about the goals and objectives of the National Violent Death Reporting System (NVDRS). One specific goal is to provide decision makers, public policy makers, program planners, and domestic violence interveners with more complete information about domestic violence related deaths. Criminal justice and related suicide data leave no doubt men kill other men and themselves far more often than they kill women.

The hyperlink to the research paper in the second paragraph above contains detailed information about homicides and homicide-suicides reported by the NVDRS for 2005.

The 2006 NVDRS data documents 559 intimate-partner homicide incidents which accounted for 616 deaths, as reported by the 16 states submitting data. There were 370 female and 246 male intimate-partner homicides. Of the 583¹ offenders a little more than 3 of 4 (77.9%) are male. However, the gender of the offender does not alter the fact that approximately 4 of every 10 intimate-partner homicide victims are male.

The 2006 NVDRS data also documents that of those 616 intimate-partner related homicides 166 offenders committed suicide, 157 of who were men. Combining the homicides and suicides the total would approximate 379 female and 364 male lives lost in the 16 reporting states.

It is imperative that we understand the risk factors for both victims and offenders in order to develop effective interventions and help family members better understand what might have been done differently to prevent such tragedy.

Table 7 of the 2006 NVDRS shows there were 1,951 male and 452 female suicides precipitated by an intimate-partner problem. That same year there were 26,308 male suicides and 6,992 female suicides. All of which suggests that in 2006, 7,890 male and 2,097 female suicides, approximately 30%, may have been precipitated by an intimate-partner problem.

In 2005 in my home state of Massachusetts, there were 14 female and 75 male reported intimate partner precipitated suicides. The number of female suicides alone matches the total number of male and female 2005 Massachusetts domestic violence homicides.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month during which most domestic violence organizations, institutions, and the media at large showcase violence against women with little or no mention of female offenders or male victims, even though substantially more men may lose their lives from intimate partner violence than women. There is something seriously wrong with that.

Again, I ask Congress and the majority of domestic violence organizations, why male victims and female offenders are minimized or ignored. I recognize that females suffer more sexual and injurious intimate-partner violence than do males, except perhaps for the incarcerated. However, must we wait until males and females are victimized in the same manner and number to be deserving of equal compassion and recognition for their victimization? I think not.

¹ _{There were 583 offenders for 559 incidents because more than one person can be charged for a homicide, which is often referred to as a “joint venture”.}

Domestic Violence Month in the DV capitol of the world ain’t what it used to be

By Harry Crouch

October 7, 2009

I don’t have time to edit this so no complaints about misplace period, commas, or dangling pineapples… but some of the linked materials below you may be able to revise and use in your community.

Arriving at the office after attending a political meet and greet I slalomed my car through half the San Diego Police Department and a few EMT rigs. Yellow tape cordoned off part of the sidewalk in front of the YWCA women’s shelter and administrative offices across the street. Stunned onlookers crowded close together as the police interviewed witnesses. A yellow blanket covered a body stone still on the concrete, a women who had either fallen or jumped from the safety of a room on the top floor. She was still alive.

Less than an hour earlier before a crowd of suited business leaders at a political meet and greet I asked the panel of three why at meetings like this people always seemed to talk around the problem, the $120 billion family destruction industry problem. The panel had easily handled less complicated questions about our gubernator, water resource allocation and farmers,  a hundred billion dollar unfunded state employ retirement obligation, immigration, and so forth. I set up the question with references to domestic violence, child protective services (over 1,400 county employees in San Diego), and the family court system. Guest speaker and television and radio host Hugh Hewitt saliently explained to a stunned gallery of a hundred or so who could write large checks the reason. He explained that it would take a year or more just to sort out all the problems, the issues were simply too messy and complicated. The other two panelists San Diego current City Attorney and a recently elected fist term California legislator were saved by the host who quickly took the podium and brought the meeting to close. I don’t mean for my questions to be show stoppers. Maybe it’s my deodorant. On the way out I handed Hewitt one of my business cards and said, “There are solutions.”

So, I’m typing this at 7:35 in the morning listening to the radio… Later this month is a Walk a Mile in Her Shoes… my guest today is Casey Gwinn CEO of the YWCA… with the budget cuts we really need these fundraising events to help Becky’s House and other programs… The host said that he was aware of horrific situation where the man had… they had over 200 guys walking in women’s shoes last year… it’s a great way to have fun and support a good cause… it’s  a great little entertainment… a lot of women bring men with them otherwise men won’t come…if you’re a single guy this is a great way to impress women… Casey said men must have invented high heals for women because they are so uncomfortable he couldn’t imagine women inventing them for themselves… most severe violence is not experienced by men like it is by women… Casey it’s great to have you in here… we’ll do what we can to do to help…women and children in fear… No mention of the woman who fell or jumped from the safety of Casey’s YWCA women’s shelter… maybe she was pushed. In the picture below Casey, the second most influential man in the domestic violence industry worldwide, is on the right with bare legs, in high heels, holding the sign… in case you are wondering, by Casey’s own public admissions his father was extremely emotionally abusive, even on his death bed…

Not To Be Forgotten Rally pays tribute to those who have lost their lives to domestic violence. It is the kickoff event for Domestic Violence Month in San Diego, the domestic violence capitol of Mother Earth and the Women Industries. I couldn’t go this year since I had to get a pedicure so I can try on some high heels without running my pantyhose - not. One of our California Men’s Center members reported that the names of victim’s were read aloud, including those of boys and men. District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis noted that both women and men can be victims. The Director of San Diego County’s Department of Health and Human Services Nick Macchione said that 1.5 million women and more than 900,000 men are victims of domestic violence each year, real numbers from respectable sources. I never thought I’d see the day. Here’s us two years ago joining the festivities…

A week or so before the rally we were asked to comment on a domestic violence flyer to be produced by the County Office of Crime Prevention, a flyer about abused men. I forwarded it to several friends who are some of the most knowledgeable people on the planet when it comes to domestic violence. They sent back suggested revisions which were compiled and forwarded to the COCP, which then adopted the recommendations.

The County Office of Crime Prevention (COCP) in conjunction with the San Diego Domestic Violence Council’s (SDDVC) Men’s Leadership Forum (MLF) also created a Community Survey questionaire about abused women and men that was used at the Not To Be Forgotten Rally, also a service Provider Survey questionaire. We were given the opportunity to review the surveys prior to production too.

A pending San Diego civil action concerning a family court child custody evaluator’s questionable qualifications and falsification of professional experience has embarrassed the California family court system since their dirty laundry is showing, even the racing stripes on their dainties. The local bar association recently cautioned members to make sure the credentials of custody evaluators they use are properly filed with the court. Attorneys were also warned that they are at risk for malpractice for past and future failures to confirm such forms are properly filed. There have been three television exposes and three articles in the widely read weekly rag “The Reader”. ABC Channel 10 is following this story including having a camera crew in related court hearings. You can get more details at the Court House Forum.

These revelations were in part facilitated by our National Coalition For Men San Diego Chapter (NCFM-SD) and the California Men’s Center (CMC). The plaintiff in the above case was a falsely accused aggrieved and very pissed off father wanting two things (1) a good attorney and (2) help finding other perceived victims of the same custody evaluator. I referred him to NCFM member attorney Marc Angelucci. Marc later had to withdraw from the case because he moved from San Diego to Los Angeles. We helped find other victims as well, some of whom frequented our center or were NCFM members. The plaintiff is now represented by San Diego’s last City Attorney Michael Aguirre infamous locally for his unflinching determination to protect  citizens rather than cronyism and corruption. Ironically he was accused of domestic violence by his former wife who raised the accusation during Mike’s unsuccessful run for reelection.

NCFMSD member John Van Doorn (above) filed a related freedom of information request for the production of documents to see if the family court is complying with its own rules like actually requiring child custody evaluators to submit the required documentation. Outcomes of this freedom of information request may lead to a flurry of individual civil suits as well as class actions that may considerably change the nature of California’s family law system and bankrupt some evaluators. That’s John speaking at the Womens VIP monthly luncheon about CPS and his upcoming campaign for a seat on the San Diego Board of Supervisors.

Our Men’s Center speaker at September’s Second Wednesday Evening Meeting was civil rights attorney Brad Dacus President of the Sacramento based Pacific Justice Institute. He is one of us with a burning passion to reform child protective services. He has studied related laws in various states and crafted sensible comprehensive reform legislation for California. Mr. Dacus is extremely well connected and has championed major civil rights victories in California. The Pacific Justice Institute also submitted an amicus brief in support of one of Marc Angelucci’s appellate cases. Re the photo…the good look’n guy is me.

The meeting was packed. In attendance was a community organizer who was defeated last election in a run for a state office. Also a few major leaders from faith based organizations.

The community organizer, one of the major political party’s principle fundraisers, and yours truly are orchestrating a related October 14 luncheon.

Invitations have been sent to a host of community leaders including County Board of Supervisor members who normally stick their collective heads deep in San Diego sand at the mention of CPS. The venue is reserved by and in the name of NCFM San Diego Chapter.

Mr. Dacus is again the featured speaker. There may also be a few CPS victims sharing their experiences, men and women.

The San Diego Grand Jury recently released a third or fourth comprehensive and scathing report of child protective services. The first report issued in the 1990’s. Since then child protective services has thumbed their noses at the grand jury’s’ findings and recommendations.

The Men’s Leadership Forum met yesterday. We’re finalizing an outline to continue a dialog about abused men with the Center for Community Solutions, which is the largest provider of domestic violence services in the county. This effort may result in a how-to manual of sorts that I’m hoping can be exported and used by others to open dialogs with their respective domestic violence service providers. There were seven in attendance, each and every one sincerely interested to varying degrees in men’s rights, particularly as it relates to abused men, one of who has a graduate degree in WoMEN StuDIEs. Go figure… and he still has not read Warren Farrell’s the Myth of Male Power though I keep bugging him about it… he’s a work in progress, extremely competent, and having a hard time with the concept the Warren Farrell may also be the Father of Third Wave Feminism.

The next Men’s Leadership Forum meeting will be November the 3^rd at our California Men’s Center. I’ll be inviting some abused men so they can have a say in the dialog too…

AND the Men and Women Against Discrimination (MWAD) in West Virginia on October 2, 2009 won a major court case against The Family Protection Services Board (TFPSB) for illegal rules which infringed upon the MWAD’s right to free speech. The Court said, “In this case the plaintiff has established the actual and well-founded reality that rules adopted by the defendants prohibit the plaintiff and its constituent members from expressing their views regarding the gender-neutral nature of domestic violence by seeking certification as certified domestic violence advocates or the operators of licensed domestic violence programs, shelters or perpetrator intervention programs. In view of the reality of the plaintiff’s situation, the Court concludes that plaintiff has standing to prosecute this case.”

If this keeps up I’ll have to find a real job and….

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August 8, 2009 

Send the National Domestic Violence Hotline a Letter… 

“Men are often Silent Victims of Domestic Violence” published in SanLuisObispo.com – The Tribune surprised many in the men’s and fathers rights movement; men being silent victims was therein confirmed by a spokesperson for the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH).

Since inception the NDVH has steadfastly held to the radical-feminist and domestic violence industry party line of women victims and men abusers.

Over the years I have called the NDVH several times only to be told they had no referral sources specifically for abused men. My earliest attempts were received with derision if not contempt. A few years ago I asked that the California Men’s Centers be included as a referral source. My request was supposedly passed on to who knows who for consideration but I never heard back.

The California Men’s Centers in San Diego handles between 800 and 900 telephone calls per year, a few hundred email requests, several walk-ins a week, and referrals from a host of outside service providers. Though we don’t keep detailed records (because we don’t have the resource to do so) it’s fair to say that more than half concern an man being abused, all but a handful being heterosexuals. Many of the callers are concerned sisters, mothers, grandmothers, and other women who care about the abused man. Referrals come from government employee assistance programs, social workers, attorneys, mental health professionals, physicians, the military, and from those we have helped. We have had requests for assistance from all over the United States as well as Canada, Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Sweden, India and a few other countries. Hence, it’s frustrating not to be able to have our services listed with a national hotline so we can help even more of those in need.

Jan Brown is Founder and Director of the Domestic Abuse Helpline nestled deep in the forests of Maine. She does phenomenal work and initially started the helpline for abused men. She too made application to the NDVH and her program was rejected.

The NDVH’s public recognition even caught the attention of Glen Sacks who followed up with the article “Major Domestic Violence Organization Acknowledges Key Truths about Men, Women, and DV”.

Consequently, many in our movement were truly “surprised” to see the comments by the NDVH spokesperson; and, I’m hopeful that this is another indication of progress. The California Men’s Centers will apply again to see if we can get more than lip service.

One of our National Coalition For Men (NCFM) and California Men’s Centers’ members sent the NDVH the following letter. If you have the time I encourage you to do the same. It’s important to let them know that not only are people watching but that we appreciate the DNVH’s public recognition of abused men.

The NDVH still has a long way to go. One would have a hard time discerning recognition of abused men on their website, which still reflects the politically correct party-line.

Our Men’s Centers’ member’s letter follows my signature block though I withheld Bob’s last name, address and telephone number to protect him from further abuse either by his wife or the family law system which abused him too.

Take Care,

Harry Crouch

California Men’s Centers

National Coalition For Men

Dear NDVH,

I am thankful for your recognition and comments regarding silent victims.  

In my case, my former spouse was the abusive personality and has blamed everyone but herself for her abusive behavior. She has always instigated violence by hitting and threatening our children, uses physical force against me when enraged, when I ignore or attempt to escape the scene, and lastly uses the police and courts to inflict pain and suffering against those who she victimizes.

She has not only accused me of DV, she accuses our children’s teachers and school of abuse in response to the school wanting to enforce their tardiness policy. She would consistently arrive late and when the school objected after repeated warnings, she called the child care licensing board and accused them of taping kids mouths with tape to keep them quiet. I intervened because it was untrue and the investigation proved false. I offer this as an example that she has a habit of making false accusations and it is not limited to our relationship.

As the father and man in the house, I felt like I was the one who could solve these issues but, I learned that I can’t by myself. Instead of me attending the DV Batter Intervention program, I sought help from a family therapist who has help me to understand my role in these situations. I never used physical or psychological force to impose my will on my spouse but learned, it was the other way around. I felt terrible about having to use force to diffuse the violence but felt more distraught when what seemed like the whole of society judged me unfairly for doing so. 

In addition, I found help from “California Men’s Center” in San Diego. Mr. Harry Crouch runs the center has done more than anyone else I know to help men come to terms with their victimhood.  NDVH should refer men to facilities such as this as it is very effective. I met men there that have the same or similar issues and we now have a means to come to terms with our victimhood. 

Our court system is in need of an overhaul to first recognize that not all men are perpetrators and that the key to resolving DV is for both men and women to understand their respective roles and learn coping strategies to deal with each other in a mature and civilized manner.

I applaud DV advocates efforts to provide help for the true victims of DV. I humbly ask that you accurately recognize and identify the victim vs perpetrator before we unnecessarily strip families of their happiness by encouraging the DV conflict to play out in the courts, especially when children are involved. I believe that victims of DV are both male and female. I believe that perpetrators of DV are both male and female. The paradigm that says only men are perpetrators is faulty and we must now advance our thinking and find new ways to help both victims and perpetrators, regardless of their gender.

Sincerely,

Bob

 Thank you Bob, thank you very much…

The National Coalition For Men (NCFM) after being asked to review a new police training video sent a letter to the San Diego District Attorney showing that the video contained wrong and gender biased information, that is it was biased against men and perpetuated information detrimental to the community and police.

Assistant District Attorney Patrick McGrath found that there were unverifiable statistics and agreed to have the video appropriately edited and re issued. He will be asking that the nine San Diego County police departments and Sheriff’s Office replace the first version with the second on departmental Intranets as well as for use in other trainings. Though not stated in the letter from Mr. McGrath we earlier and subsequently agreed that he would do the same for all other community based agencies involved in the production of the video including the San Diego Domestic Violence Council (the largest DV Council in the United States).

We believe this is the first time a law enforcement agency within the United States agreed that information contained in a domestic violence police training video was wrong and took affirmative and costly steps to correct it.

In conversations Mr. McGrath noted several times that people within the district attorney’s office involved in the revisions and related discussions have changed some of their views regarding gender roles within the domestic violence dynamic.I suspect Mr. McGrath’s letter along with the revised video to the nine police departments, Sheriff’s department, and other involved agencies will have a similar though lesser effect.

Without completely re doing the video all of the concerns listed in our initial letter could not be adequately addressed. The revised edition still creates an unbalanced impression concerning perpetrators and victims. However, coupled with the increased awareness of those involved in the production of the video and the deletion of unverifiable statistics this effort is a success for all of us.

In his letter Mr. McGrath says, “I like to think that we are open to constructive criticism, and are flexible enough to find a way to solve problems.” I like to think that is true too.

Mr. McGrath deserves a great deal of thanks for his willingness to help and leadership, as should all of those who helped construct the initial letter and San Diego County employees involved in helping revise the video.

This effort has led to other opportunities, if time can be found to fully participate, including being invited to join in the development of a survey of local domestic violence shelters; also a domestic violence training video for the medical community and revision of domestic violence protocols.

If we can do it in San Diego, it’s doable elsewhere. Give that some thought please…

Harry  Crouch

Founder/Director California Men’s Centers

President National Coalition For Men